"Midget" is the new "Nigger" and Other Cultural Sensitivity Seminars


 Send Revenge Crabs To A Friend!

Who Gets the Crabs

Statistically speaking, who doesn’t? Everybody gets crabs, according to the Center for Disease Control. Last year almost 3% of persons surrendering to STD/VD testing found themselves testing positive for the most easily avoided of all diseases transmitted via the pubis.

Considering less than 1% of the population gets a VD test each year, that means we can obviously extrapolation this number by 100-fold. That means 30% of American citizens fell victim to the scratchy itchiness last year alone.

That’s just last year.

Further you’ll find that of all the people who get VD testing, the majority do so less than once every three years. So multiply the number by 3 and you’ll see that 90% of Americans are currently afflicted by the chiggers that are crabs.

And it’s no surprise. I know ten people who have had sex and only one of them didn’t have crabs (that I know of!)

So if you’re standing in an elevator with 9 other people, and you don’t have crabs, the numbers say that everybody else on that elevator does.

If you go to a Yankees game, and you don’t have crabs, you are among the mere 5,800 that don’t. Doesn’t matter who wins or how hot the beer drenched honies around you are, there are about 53,000 of them that are crawling with the blood sucking parasites of the genitals.

That’s how your girlfriend will bring it home unless you do a preemptive strike

The only answer to who gets crabs is everyone. Maybe not today or yesterday, but probably tomorrow, and if you don’t give it to your lover she’s going to give it to you because he/she is surely cheating on you and you know it. Don’t wait for the freight train of inevitability to run you down dead on the tracks of genital comfortability; take matters in to your own hands and glands and give your best girl the itchies and scratchies she probably deserves for the improprieties she might have indulged in, even if it was because of the fact that you’re an inadequate lover.

If you were that bad, you’d be single, right?